Edge of Real Podcast | Midlife Identity and Rediscovery
Helping you remember you’re not lost, you’re on the edge of something real.
Edge of Real is a podcast for women who are waking up later in life - and realizing they’re ready for something more.
Hosted by Kristin Hamilton, this is a space for rediscovery beyond the roles, rules, and expectations that never quite fit. Part soft rebellion, part spiritual journal, Edge of Real invites you into the honest, often messy process of unbecoming what you’re not… so you can remember who you really are.
Each week, I invite you into my own re-becoming - sharing stories, spiritual insights, personal permission slips, and real-time reflections from the messy, beautiful middle. I discover and discuss soul-level tools for returning to what’s real - exploring self-discovery beyond the titles, timelines, and expectations that never quite fit. As one woman, shedding and shifting in real time - I offer encouragement, reflection, and permission to evolve on your own terms.
Whether you’re standing at a threshold, questioning what’s real, or craving something deeper… this is for you.
Because the edge isn’t the end.
It’s the becoming.
Edge of Real Podcast | Midlife Identity and Rediscovery
#6. You're Feeling Triggered, Now What?
Ever feel that familiar tightness in your chest when someone says something that pushes your buttons? That sensation isn't just discomfort, it's a doorway to profound personal growth.
Emotional triggers - we're taught to avoid them, manage them, or push them down. But what if these uncomfortable moments are actually powerful mirrors showing us exactly where we need to heal? In this deeply personal episode, I share a recent interaction that could have sent me spiraling into old patterns of people-pleasing and self-abandonment. Instead, it became a catalyst for standing even more firmly in my truth.
The difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking transforms how we handle triggering situations. Peacekeeping comes from smallness - abandoning our truth to maintain an illusion of harmony. Peacemaking emerges from strength - honoring ourselves while remaining kind. One drains us; the other empowers us.
Your body remembers past hurts, which is why seemingly small moments can feel so overwhelming. When someone's criticism activates old neural pathways, you're not just responding to the present moment but to every similar wound from your past. Understanding this mechanism gives you power to choose differently.
I walk you through a practical six-step process to transform triggers into growth opportunities: pause and name the emotion, regulate your nervous system with breathwork, identify the underlying belief, reframe it with compassion, take inspired action, and extend kindness to yourself throughout the process. This work is especially powerful in midlife as we shed old roles and find our authentic voices.
Ready to see your triggers not as setbacks but as signposts pointing toward your truest self? Listen now, and discover how life's most uncomfortable moments might actually be invitations to become exactly who you're meant to be.
🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/edgeofreal
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Welcome back to Edge of Real, where we talk about the real, the raw and the very often messy parts of identity and rediscovering who we are in midlife. I'm your host, Kristin, and today we're going to be talking about something that happens to every single one of us being triggered. Before I dive in, I want to acknowledge that some forms of trauma impact the brain in ways that go far beyond everyday triggers. If you're interested in learning more about this, I highly recommend the book the Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bissell van der Kolk. It is an incredible deep dive into how trauma is stored and processed in our bodies, and if that's an area you need support in, I encourage you to reach out to a licensed therapist or psychologist who can walk with you through that healing. My background and training are as a life coach, so today we'll be talking about the kinds of emotional triggers most of us face Things like old relationship patterns, difficult experiences or moments that sting and shake our confidence, the wounds that shape how we show up in our everyday lives. So let's get to it.
Kristin:Now most people think of a trigger as a negative thing. It is uncomfortable. It's that moment when someone says something or does something, or we read or see or even smell something and suddenly we feel Maybe we feel defensive, small, sad, angry, ashamed. I have a friend who has told me that even the word trigger is a trigger and I feel that it's become such a buzzword that it carries so many connotations and there can be a trauma response, a feeling in our chest or throat or the pit of our stomach upon even hearing the word. But the truth is, triggers don't have to be the enemy. With a reframe, they can be mirrors. They can show us where we're abandoning ourselves and where we're ready to grow.
Kristin:So recently I met someone who wanted to have a little too much say in who I am and what I believe. They were hyper critical of my beliefs and the second they said these statements I felt it in my body like this wave of defensiveness. I could feel myself bracing, my throat closed a little, my chest felt tight and I felt this ickiness in my gut and what struck me was how familiar it felt that one comment took me right back to past relationships where I was gaslit and controlled. Back then I stayed quiet for way too long and I made myself small and I went along, just to keep the peace, Keep the peace. That's actually something that's come up in a lot of conversations recently, and therefore it's been on my mind a lot the last couple months the difference between peacekeeping and peacemaking. When I look back at those old relationships, I can see now that I wasn't really keeping the peace. I was keeping myself small, I was avoiding conflict at all costs. I looked so calm on the outside, but on the inside I was abandoning myself, abandoning my own truth to keep someone else comfortable, and that was my instinct in this conversation as well.
Kristin:Peacemaking, though, is different. Peacemaking comes from strength, not smallness, not fear. It's about standing in your truth, but with kindness. It doesn't mean everyone will agree with you. It doesn't mean the other person won't be uncomfortable, but it means that you are in integrity with you. It doesn't mean the other person won't be uncomfortable, but it means that you are in integrity with yourself, and that creates a deeper peace, both within you and in the space that you hold with others.
Kristin:For me, thinking about this in the last little while and learning to tell the difference has been life-changing. Peacekeeping drains you, Peacemaking empowers you, and I could have so easily fallen back into peacekeeping, but this time, when this conversation came at me, I reacted instead of shrinking. A short time later I paused and realized this wasn't about them. The second they said those things, they were already insignificant to me. This was my mirror. This was life asking me are you going to keep the peace here and give in and be small, or are you going to continue to make peace within yourself and in your world? Are you reacting from old patterns, from dysregulation, or are you going to approach this opportunity from an empowered state of worthiness and accountability? It was asking me are you ready to stand in your truth, even when someone else doesn't approve? And I found that the answer to that question was yes. Yes, I am. See, our brains are wired to respond to old patterns.
Kristin:When someone criticizes us or we come up against any trigger, it can activate the exact same neural pathways as those painful moments years ago and our body reacts like it's happening all over again. That's why it can feel so big, even when the situation itself might be small. Like this was someone I really barely knew, who had no importance to me whatsoever, but it felt like a big moment because my mind and my body fell back into those old feelings and reactions. I've worked through my past in therapy, in conversations with friends and family, through journaling, through my own life coach yet clearly there was still something left and I clearly still need to work through some of it. So, spiritually, I believe the universe keeps sending us mirrors until we finally say I choose differently this time. And I don't believe that's a punishment. I believe it is an invitation from the universe to choose yourself and then to choose yourself again and again and again, and make that be the pattern so we can choose to reframe the trigger.
Kristin:Instead of asking why are they doing this to me or why is this happening to me, Try asking what is this showing me about what I need to acknowledge or work through? And for me, in my example, the answer was clear. I had been holding back pieces of myself. Even now, even after all the growth that I've been through, that conversation was my nudge to claim even more of my truth and, without apology, to stand bold and to be firm in my beliefs and especially in what I know to be true about myself, and to not allow anyone into my life who chooses to attempt to make me feel small, Because I now know that I will stand firm for myself. I now have further proof that I'm stronger. This interaction has now changed my neural pathways, the pattern that I had. Now it's possible that you're saying great Kristin, really happy for you. So how do I actually do this myself? So let me give you a few steps that you can try the next time you feel that sting, that trigger happening within you.
Kristin:Number one: Pause, Name it, Feel it. Say out loud, or to yourself I feel defensive or I feel small. To yourself, I feel defensive or I feel small. See, naming that emotion, naming what it brings up in you, takes away some of its power and then give yourself a quiet moment to feel it. Do some of that somatic work. Where in your body are you feeling this? And then breathe into that. Allow yourself that moment.
Kristin:Number two: Regulate and Move the Energy. So you want to regulate your nervous system. You want to bring yourself back to being grounded, back to feeling grounded.
Kristin:I am a super fan of the 4-7-8 breathing method. I do this whenever I need to regulate, whenever I sit down to meditate every day, and most nights when I lay down to go to sleep. So we're going to do this together. But let me explain it to you first. You're going to breathe in through your nose for four. And you want to breathe it all the way down to your belly. Feel your belly expand, not your chest. Then you'll hold it at the top for seven. Then you'll breathe out for eight. And this isn't a blowing air, it's an exhale. Just let the air pour out of you. You can push it out by contracting your core muscles, but you don't need to blow with force. So let's try this Inhale for four.
Kristin:One, two, three, four. Hold at the top for seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale for eight.
Kristin:One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Now, breathing out for longer than you breathe in signals to your body that you're safe. Think about how gasping for air feels unsafe and desperate, right? Well, this is the opposite. So, after you take a couple of breaths if that works for you, great. Otherwise you can try some other breathing. You want to move the energy. Shake it it out, dance, cry if you need to go for a quick walk, journal it out, jump up and down. Basically, you just want to get the energy moving and out of your body.
Kristin:Number three: Identify the Subconscious Belief. Become aware. Ask yourself what old story that I tell myself is attached to this. For example, if I speak my truth, I'll lose love, or my opinions don't matter as much as other people's. You want to really explore what beliefs you have that caused this to come into your life. What must you believe to have created this situation? And once you get to the root of this, you can disrupt the pattern and bring about new reality for yourself. Which leads us to number four: Reframe that Belief. Try replacing it with something that's actually supportive. For example, my truth is valuable and the right people will respect it and me. Once you have this reframe. You can pull this up any time a trigger that causes this kind of reaction within yourself occurs, and this will help you to rewire that old belief and approach further obstacles or difficulties the word problem is problematic for me, but we'll just say obstacles or difficulties— you can approach those from the updated sense of identity and beliefs that you now have and hopefully eventually you'll get to where this type of thing doesn't even trigger you at all anymore.
Kristin:Number five: Take Inspired Action from the Reframe. This is an important step. Take inspired action from the reframe. This is an important step. Don't just think it. Live it. Maybe it's speaking up for yourself. Maybe it's walking away from the situation or conversation or whatever. Maybe it's just sitting with yourself in your own strength and your own. Number six offer yourself compassion. Remember the other person's comments or reactions or what it was that you experienced. Say more about them and their fears, their insecurities than about you. So in my own life and in the transformations that I help with, I personally find it to be most powerful when we take ownership of our own reactions, not blame ourselves by any means. This is in no way about blame, but taking ownership allows us the opportunity to take back control and to fix it. When we outsource the blame, we also outsource the power to solve whatever the issue is, but acknowledge that what triggered us was something that happened right. It was a stimulus. Our response to it, that's on us. We can work through it. Then the very same thing could happen again, that same stimulus, but we don't get triggered and we don't have the same response. And we have thus changed our outcome and to me that is transformation. So these are the six steps to follow to work through a trigger. Number one pause, name it, feel it. Number two regulate and move the energy. Number three identify the subconscious belief. Number four reframe that belief. Number five take inspired action from the reframe. And number six: Offer Yourself Compassion.
Kristin:You know, this work, I believe, is especially powerful in midlife. So many of us are stepping out of roles, out of being a caretaker, out of being an active mother, out of being a wife perhaps, and finding our voice in new ways. But with that visibility can come criticism, sometimes from others, sometimes from ourselves. We come up to new paths that sometimes still take us to moments that we'd hoped we'd already worked through. But here's what I want you to hear being triggered doesn't have to be a setback. It's a very normal thing and it's a growth marker. It's a sign saying this is where you're ready to rise. See every trigger as a doorway back to yourself, an opportunity to truly work through and create new possibilities for your life to be exactly what you want it to be. So here is this week's journal prompt. The last time I felt triggered, where did I feel it in my body, and what subconscious belief might this reveal? So I believe that we cannot work toward clarity unless we first acknowledge and bring awareness, and this journal prompt can do just that, or at least start that process. So the next time you feel yourself triggered, allow yourself the space to feel it and then try seeing it as a mirror, as proof that you are ready to evolve. Thank it for the clarity. Work through the steps we just talked about and then take that one small step that aligns you with the woman that you're becoming or re-becoming.
Kristin:If this resonates with you, please share it with a friend or family member. You can follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. Leave us a rating or review. This part helps so much with my visibility and I truly want to reach every person out there who can benefit from what I share here. You can also reach out to me on Instagram at azurebrailpodcast. Share with me a trigger you sometimes come up against or how you've triumphed. I would truly love to connect. So thank you for being here with me today and until next week, remember you're not lost. You're on the edge of something real. See you next week, love. You're not lost. You're on the edge of something real. See you next week. Love you Bye-bye.
Kristin:If what we talked about today feels close to home, if you're tired of dimming yourself down, second-guessing every decision or feeling like you've lost track of who you really are, I want you to know you don't have to figure it out alone. This is exactly the work I do with women in my one-to-one coaching experience. Together, we talk through what's keeping you stuck, reconnect you with the truest version of yourself and create simple, empowering steps that help you move forward with clarity, confidence and a clear path. Knowing the steps is one thing thing, but actually walking them out is another. That's where coaching becomes so powerful. I'll be there to help you stay accountable, to support you when old habits try to pull you back, and to keep you moving forward even when the path feels foggy.
Kristin:Sometimes we all need a guide, someone who can hold the mirror, remind us who we are and walk alongside us until we're steady in that truth ourselves. If you've been listening and thinking, yes, that is what I need I'd love to invite you to book a free discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. In that call, we'll have a real coaching conversation. You'll get a feel for the support and clarity I can offer and, if it feels aligned for us both, I'll share more about what one-on-one coaching with me looks like. I'd love to meet you and walk this path of rediscovery with you. Because the edge isn't the end, it's the becoming.
