#7. Living Out of Alignment? How to Recognize the Signs and Realign with Your Authentic Self

You now that quiet nudge you sometimes feel inside, that whisper that something just feels off? That heaviness in your body, flatness in your mood, or racing thoughts you can't quiet? These aren't random feelings - they're powerful signals that you've drifted out of alignment with your authentic self.

In this deeply reflective episode, we explore what it truly means to live in alignment and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways our bodies tell us when we're off course. For so many women, especially in midlife, we've followed external rulebooks for so long that disconnection becomes our normal state. We handle everything - career, family, home, relationships - while feeling increasingly empty inside, waiting for some future moment when we'll finally "get to" live fully.

Your body knows the truth before your mind does. Those knots in your stomach, that tightness in your chest, the shallow breathing - these physical sensations are your nervous system waving red flags, asking for your attention. Understanding how your nervous system works reveals why you respond the way you do to stress and why those responses might have worked in the past but no longer serve who you're becoming now.

The journey back to alignment isn't about thinking your way through - it's about feeling. Through simple somatic practices, like the 90-second exercise shared in this episode, you can learn to acknowledge sensations, give them space to be felt, and watch as they naturally move through you rather than staying stuck. This acceptance is the beginning of freedom, the first step toward making conscious choices rather than reactive decisions.

Ready to reconnect with your truest self? Try the suggested alignment practices this week, including the somatic reset and taking one micro step that feels aligned with who you really are. And remember—living in alignment isn't about perfection. It's a continuous practice of noticing when you're off, tuning in to what that's telling you, and gently choosing again. Your path to alignment is waiting, and you don't have to walk it alone.

🦋 Would you like help walking through these steps, or with accountability, or deeper dives into these topics? Interested in learning more about working 1:1 with me to transform your life in your rediscovery? Schedule a free Discovery call with me here: https://stan.store/edgeofreal

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Chapters

• 0:00 Signs You're Living Out of Alignment
• 1:29 The Rut of Autopilot Living
• 4:35 How Your Body Signals Misalignment
• 9:15 Understanding Your Nervous System Response
• 14:08 Somatic Practice for Alignment
• 17:12 Steps Toward Alignment and Coaching Offer

Transcript

Kristin: 0:08

Hey there, welcome back to Edge of Real. You know that quiet nudge that sometimes whispers to you, that something just feels off. Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but your body feels it. You feel heavy. Maybe your mood is flat, your mind races with wild, unrealistic daydreams that, frankly, you don't even want, or you're just not excited about life the way it used to be. That feeling, that ringing of discontent, is often the first sign that we are living out of alignment. Today we're going to talk about what it really means to be out of alignment, how old patterns and subconscious programming keep us there, the signals our nervous system gives us and, most importantly, what it feels like when we come back into alignment. I'll also give you some practical tools to start noticing and shifting back into your truest self. So what does living in alignment actually mean? Into your truest self? So what does living in alignment actually mean? It's when you have congruence or a state of harmony between your intentions, actions, values and your authentic self. When these things aren't in cooperation with one another, you get out of alignment. But alignment rarely disappears overnight, right, it usually starts with small symptoms or clues that we brush off.

Kristin: 1:29

Maybe you feel restless even when nothing is technically wrong. Maybe you're irritable with the people you love. You get that thought loop, feeling the urgency that sometimes borders on franticness. Maybe you get a sense of flatness, like life is just one big eh. Maybe you actually just check out or become apathetic. Maybe you find yourself procrastinating on things that you actually want, or you feel the urge to change things, to move, to rearrange furniture, cut or color your hair on a whim get a new job, get new lipstick. Maybe you're over-consuming Food, alcohol, sex, scrolling shopping just to fill some gap that you don't even really know what it is. We often look at external things rather than turning internal for answers. These behaviors and feelings aren't failures, but they are invitations. They're breadcrumbs from your body and your inner, knowing that something isn't working anymore. Something is off in your soul, your inner self.

Kristin: 2:33

I've seen that women in midlife, including myself, have spent so many years following a rule book this is in our lineage, right, most of us and this has created so much friction in our bodies and our nervous systems that we have nothing to do but become dysregulated and fall out of alignment. Our bodies know this has felt off, but we've persisted, just gotten into a rut where we handle things right. We handle the house and the kids and the husband and the laundry and the groceries and the dinners and the job and the kids and the husband and the laundry and the groceries and the dinners and the job and the in-laws and school, and on and on and on. We get into a state of I don't like where I am, I don't like who I am as a person, as a woman, in my life. This is not what I ever expected my life to be.

Kristin: 3:21

I recently heard someone ask that question about what if you had 12 months to live? And I know I certainly have been at the point at certain times in my life where I needed to ask myself, if I had 12 months to live, would I want to continue living from this state of being? At some point we have to ask ourselves what am I waiting for? Why am I waiting to live my life, to feel joyful, to feel sexy, to feel alive? We tell ourselves that it's out there. When this happens or when that happens, I'll live fully.

Kristin: 3:54

When we're constantly waiting for that external thing to happen and then I'll fully live. Meanwhile, we are living so far out of alignment that when is never actually going to be magnetized to us. I think this is why so many women become disillusioned in midlife. We've been waiting for these big changes to occur before we live fully. And when those big events do occur, the kids leave home, retirement's close. We're questioning our relationship with our spouse. Kids leave home retirement's close. We're questioning our relationship with our spouse. They happen but nothing changes because we are still out of alignment internally. When are we going to give ourselves permission to go inside and accept and love? So why do we do this?

Kristin: 4:40

Because many of us, especially as women in midlife, are operating on old programming. Maybe we were conditioned to be the peacemaker, to say yes when your body said no, to keep the family happy, to downplay your own needs because they weren't seen as important. That old programming might sound like if I speak my truth, I'll upset someone, so I should just stay quiet. Or I need to earn love by doing and giving, or it's too late to change now. But this is autopilot, living, and autopilot almost always pulls us out of alignment with who we truly are. It's a numbness, a non-space truly are. It's a numbness, a non-space, and far too many of us are living a really long time from this uninspired place where we are doing all the things but not really feeling it, not fully living, and we rationalize and think, oh, this is just a neutral place. I'm just going to be here for a little bit, but don't let it fool you. This is not a neutral space bit. But don't let it fool you. This is not a neutral space.

Kristin: 5:48

We live in this delusion where you're stuck in this lack of fully living, where the life you built does not reflect the woman you're becoming and in this place you are missing out on the experience of being fully alive in your life, being fully you. You know, these are just stories. We're telling ourselves that we need to change, when what we really need is to regulate, to get back in our body and feel what we're going through, so we can make choices and decisions from a more even place. This is your inner self, tapping around the shoulder, saying hello, there is something going on here. Something doesn't feel right and we need for us to feel it and recognize it for what it is. We need to treat this numbness, or whatever your friction point is, as a symptom that there is something going on. Something is out of alignment within your soul.

Kristin: 6:40

Your body often knows before your mind does. When you're out of alignment, your body will tell you, maybe with a tight chest, maybe knots in your stomach or a pit deep down in your stomach and your gut. Maybe your breathing gets shallow or maybe it quickens, maybe your throat gets tight or you start to feel that drained, heavy energy that feels like you are just trudging through mud. These are red flags that your inner self is waving, asking for you to please notice. These are clues that there are things that we're not allowing into our consciousness yet. But these signs in your body are telling us, and if we first notice and then listen to them, and then if we trust them, then we can become consciously aware of them. And all of this is the beginning of freedom. It's where we can then make choices of whether we're going to make changes or not.

Kristin: 7:39

But the important thing right now is to become conscious of it, bring it into your awareness, invite it in. It really is just telling yourself hey, I'm just checking in, let's just take a little look around inside. It can just be an inner invitation that there is something that we need to look at. Maybe there's something we don't want to see. Maybe there's something big, but maybe it's just something small that we're just trying to avoid and we can deal with whatever it is. Let's just first feel it in your body.

Kristin: 8:12

So one of the first things we can do when we're trying to understand this is really become conscious of what your body is doing and what your body is saying, because your body will give you signs. When your nervous system is activated, it will react. Knowing about the nervous system and our biological processes is so important. Knowing the way our body behaves can really shed some light on how that affects everything about us. And with this knowledge of what's happening within our bodies, we can give ourselves a little bit of grace. It's just your body telling you that it's scared, that there's some fear there. Your body is seeking safety and security. Your mind may be telling you that you want expansion, but your body is telling you nah, we're good, we're just going to stay right here, we're going to stay safe and secure. So instead of blaming ourselves for feeling this way, we can understand that this is biology. So let's go over some of that so we can really understand.

Kristin: 9:16

And the easiest way to look at this is from an evolutionary point of view. So we have the older parts of our nervous system and we have the more evolved parts. And I'm not talking about your brain here, I'm talking about all of these parts that innervate throughout your body, basically from the neck down through your body. These systems live in your brain but they work down in the felt part throughout your body, basically from the neck down through your body. These systems live in your brain but they work down in the felt part of your body, the oldest part of our brain some refer to it as our lizard brain turns on when we get a stress response that is perceived as life-threatening. And you get this freeze response, so energy drains from your system and you become immobilized. Next on the evolutionary ladder is the fight or flight part. This is where you get anxious and you feel like you've got to move. This is more of a mobilized stress response where your defenses come on because you perceive a threat, not a life-threatening threat, but a danger of some sort.

Kristin: 10:13

And then the most evolved part of us, the most human part, the newest part of our nervous system, is what's called the ventral vagal system, the part of us that gets activated but allows us to live in harmony, to work together, to be comfortable, to team up. This part promotes well-being and allows us to function really well in the world. Ideally, we want to spend as much time as possible in this connected space so that we can work together and we can feel comfortable in our lives and in the company of other humans and we can survive in the best possible way. But what happens over time? Usually something from your childhood experiences. Right, you wire in certain kinds of responses related to the stressors that happened in your life and when you get that stress system activated, you now have a drive to bring it back down and bring you back up to that regulated, connected with other humans kind of space.

Kristin: 11:13

What you do to regulate is usually what you learned at some point in your life. For example, maybe you learned to use food to calm yourself down, to regulate or shift that response. You learned to use food because it works, not because you're bad or broken or something's wrong with you. You actually landed on a solution that worked. You store that and then you keep using it and so when you have a stress response now, that pull wherever it's linked in your past shows up and you get that drive to eat your body, your mind, your nervous system did exactly what it needed, what was right. In those moments in your past, you found something that worked, but maybe that response doesn't align with who you are now, with your intentions, actions, values and your authentic self now. So you're now feeling out of alignment.

Kristin: 12:07

Now, in order to change that response, we need to go back in and regulate the nervous system in those moments when that feels like the response. You would need to go back in and regulate the nervous system in those moments when that feels like the response you would like to have. The problem is, this is not something we learned in school, because they were too busy teaching us trigonometry, which is oh so useful in my life. But since we weren't taught and therefore don't know how to do this, we think there's something wrong with me. What is wrong with me that I use this kind of response? But this is something that society has taught us. This is an outside influence. These kinds of fixes are outside, when what we need to do to actually fix it is turn inside and regulate our nervous system. Fix our nervous system within ourselves if we want to change our response, because that same stimuli will always be there, the thing that we can change is our response to it, and that all starts with regulating our nervous system.

Kristin: 13:05

Your nervous system is your compass. It will tell you where to go. If you listen to it, and when we do, we are then more able to find solutions to bring us back into alignment, and you feel this in your body. Maybe it's going to feel like your breath naturally deepens, your body feels more open and expansive, you feel lighter, and even when you feel a challenge, there's still a groundedness underneath it. You still feel grounded. This is why somatic work matters. You don't think your way back into alignment. You feel your way back when we get locked in our minds. We aren't going to get out of it. We all know what that thought looping feels like, but sometimes it's easier to have it stay in our thoughts, isn't it? It creates a disconnect, a distance. We think we're feeling it, but we're only thinking it, rather than having the courage to drop into our bodies and be present with the sensation.

Kristin: 14:04

I'd like to give a little example here of a somatic check-in Now. This will be a quick one, and if you aren't in a place right now where it's safe to take a moment to close your eyes, then just bear with us for a moment and save this episode and come back to it. If you are able, let's just pause for a moment. Close your eyes, feel your feet on the ground or your backside against the seat. Relax your shoulders, your jaw, your tongue. Relax your shoulders, your jaw, your tongue.

Kristin: 14:36

Now think of something that has been bothering you lately. Not a big thing, just a little thing for now. Once you have it, find it wherever it sits in your body. Now feel into the sensation and allow it to surface. Tell it that you acknowledge it. Give it space. Let it know that it has infinite space and full permission to be here in this moment. Say yes to the sensation and when you're ready you can open your eyes. Now, what started to happen there? Even in that short time, did the sensation soften or even start to dissipate? You have given it acceptance and permission, so then it could just move through you rather than continue to be stuck. Saying yes to it makes it start to lighten.

Kristin: 15:57

So that exercise we just did was about 90 seconds, and neuroanatomist Jill Bolt-Taylor found that it takes about 90 seconds for a feeling to cycle through our body, unless we attach judgments, stories or other mental narratives to it. When we ruminate, we reactivate and re-trigger the emotional loop over and over again. This is the epitome of a vicious cycle that simple awareness can shift everything. People think they have to think hard about things to find a solution, but often that just further perpetuates it getting louder. There's this concept in psychology that states that everything defends to the degree that it doesn't feel accepted. As soon as we accept the sensations that are stuck energy in our body, we allow them to stop fighting and just release and move through us. When you change your relationship with the sensations in your body, you can experience more and get out of your own way. Rather than fighting yourself internally, you can take your energy back and come back into alignment and create those changes within yourself and the world that you desire.

Kristin: 17:11

Now I'm not saying that living in alignment is easy or that it makes everything in your life easy, but it does feel different. Your decisions flow with more ease. You stop needing as much outside validation because you trust yourself. You notice synchronicities within your life. Things start to just line up. Your body feels lighter and even challenges feel like growth instead of constant resistance and friction, and you're less likely to fall into a victim mentality. That is the difference when you have flow.

Kristin: 17:46

So here are a couple of ways you can play with alignment in your daily life. This week you can do a somatic reset, like what we just did. Take a few deep belly breaths, feel your feet grounded, find a sensation in your body that feels off, breathe into it, give it space, accept it, tell it it has permission to be felt and then notice the shift, notice the softening. Another thing you can try this week is take one micro step that feels aligned. It could be saying no when you mean no. Maybe shift your schedule, maybe begin a new practice or hobby or thing that you've been wanting to do. So the journal prompt this week. Where in my life or body do I feel resistance or friction right now, and what might that be showing me about my alignment?

Kristin: 18:38

So living in alignment is not about perfection. It's a practice, a dance. It goes on constantly. It's noticing when you're off, tuning into what that is telling you and gently choosing again. And every time you do you are building deeper self-trust and creating more ease in your life. If this episode touched you in some way, share it with someone in your life who you would like to help. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Until next week, tune into your body, keep walking toward the truest version of yourself and remember you're not lost. You're on the edge of something real. Love you, bye-bye.

Kristin: 19:20

If what we talked about today feels close to home, if you're tired of dimming yourself down, second-guessing every decision or feeling like you've lost track of who you really are, I want you to know you don't have to figure it out alone. This is exactly the work I do with women in my one-to-one coaching experience. Together, we talk through what's keeping you stuck, reconnect you with the truest version of yourself and create simple, empowering steps that help you move forward with clarity, confidence and a clear path. Knowing the steps is one thing, but actually walking them out is another. That's where coaching becomes so powerful. I'll be there to help you stay accountable, to support you when old habits try to pull you back, and to keep you moving forward even when the path feels foggy.

Kristin: 20:08

Sometimes we all need a guide, someone who can hold the mirror, remind us who we are and walk alongside us until we're steady in that truth ourselves. If you've been listening and thinking, yes, that is what I need I'd love to invite you to book a free discovery call with me through the link in the show notes. In that call we'll have a real coaching conversation. You'll get a feel for the support and clarity I can offer and, if it feels aligned for us both, I'll share more about what one-on-one coaching with me looks like. I'd love to meet you and walk this path of rediscovery with you, because the edge isn't the end, it's the becoming.